_class

_class has ended and there is some kind of hope for me getting out of this computer math class.






sidenote: stomache is not doing well







_Now typing up my poem for class at 3:30 titled :Click!!!!!!<3

CLICK!

It's gone

You've diminshed

Into this colorful array of people

Becoming another blended piece of art

Bread crumbed heart

Falling apart

I begin to

Click!

Clicking till something of interest forces me to end

Yet

You haven't left

The remote stopped working

Once again,

I am stuck on your channel

This time

Bringing clarity to my eyes

I ran to charge the congested remote with power

Negative side here

Positive side there

Click!

The beat of your channel

Shall no longer control the sound of mine

_8am

(last night before my scarf came off)

_ So today I woke up ecstatic ready to go to my 12:30 bum ass math class. My head tie came off so i put the curly iron on to bump my hair. Looked through my closet to pick out randomness to put on and now I am gettin ready for school. I have neglected my blog with no reasoning behind it. I was trying to fix some xml format and when i viewed my profile it was white blank....CRISIS STRUCK....so since then I have not blogged till now sorry about that.

_I'm watching Maury right now and this lady says that she had to get the "father of her son" on television for a DNA TEST to prove to him that he was the father by "selling him some of her coupons"....LMAO.....WTF....Really AMERICA? Ultimately this is a disgrace, makes you question what a genuine, sincere relatonship is. How will you be able to identify if your in one right now or if one is passing you by? With these social concepts of mutual feelings restricting the society to reveal their true selves how am I going to believe the person who is feeding me the same bullshit the other one did?

_ As I said in the beginning of the year, I will go with the flow. If something is suppose to spark it should be through natural conversation. I mean the beauty of a realtionship ultimately is communication right?

_Now im just thinking about passing this bum ass Math class. I tell you if my life depended on it and the only way to survive was throught Math I will meet all ya in heaven.dead ass.lmao

(right now)

_chyll spoke

_stay tuned something will always go down!!!

Day 10

_signing on=/ it better go well. a bit nervous

_ Day 9 (2:32 am) (sign on?)

_im on the verge of signing on.i was just reading this chapter for class tomorrow.while reading I thought of entering the social world again. The creepiness of it all was that right when i thought about doing so....my t.v and light just shut off=/.......Was that a sign? should I take that into consideration ?........I did and so I find my self here again pouring out my emotions onto this screen.

Natural disasters are consistent.
Florida.
Should be my middle.

to be cont'd!!!

Reading: "Need to Know: Social Science Research Methods" by: Lisa J. McIntyre

_Day 7 and Day 8 (recovery period)

_IM DOING WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Day 7~~> My mood was in the midst of crashing because of the bullshit i was being fed through out the whole day. One thing I expect from people is for them to keep their word. Ultimayely in life that is the only thing you have is your word. If you said you are going to text me....text me.If you said you are going to see me..... come see me. Going back on your word is like wanting me to cut you off....Around 11pm my town house deicided to play UNO so I played and began relieving some stress. We ended up going to my homeboys town house to play Taboo this lasted for about FOUR HRs with laughter and natural joy. As the time past people began to leave and those who stayed.....(lol) lets just say we had a good time...Mac&cheese......Fried Porkchops......Grilled Hot Dogs.....Steamed Corn......and a special juice that spoke the truth......Me,Tay and Jammi did not get home until 7am....that's college for you.

_Day8~~> I woke up at 12:30 to go to brunch.Went back to my room and watched TRUE LIFE:Im A Nuyorican which was funny as shyt. Lets just say we get louder and act up when camera's are around(lol). And now im here...blogging to you all.

This weekend by far had to be stress relieving and drama free.....

I have been in hibernation for ten days now but been blogging for about 8 days now

_Day 5 & Day 6 (recovery period)

Day5~~> _ class.lunch with hayley.took a nap.volleyball meeting with coach. one on one meeting after. tears. offered counseling.rejected.concerned.party.drank.still hibernated.about ten people have my new number. feeling better than most nights.relief.

Day6~~>I partied with my girls. This by far had to be the most relieving night since hibernating. We all i had clean fun and went to a party in a sorority house that was themed 80'z. So for those of you who know me on that level know that I am very competitive and I decided to dress the part.What can I say I'm from Brooklyn.....lol. Up until the end of the night I was fine. Out of no where I found myself leaning all the way down wanting a brisk of fresh air and I don't know what that air had inside of it but I began to cry. I Emotionless I was huggin steph,crying.Jam says "tash...wtf dnt let these ni**** see you like this"....Quickly i rose off of steph shoulder and was like fuk em.....lol......I didnt even have a real reason as to what I was crying about but I cried signifying that I am not done. This process is not over. But will be soon.

_Day 4(recovery)

_Just when I thought things were almost in the clear.ready to set foot back in the social life. i took three steps back and ended up almost where I started from. Okay a bit of exaggeration, however I wasn't my usual self today. I was introverted and had a major headache causing me too snap on others. Whose to say im safe from anything? even from myself.
_I wanna sit here and blog to you all and say im good but I will be fibbing if I did. Im an emotional wreck. Although, I felt just last night that my recovery period was actually working today I awoke with a sharp pain in the middle of my head and a stiff ankle. As the day progressed I thought about the first night I decided to hibernate and how my emotions took a toll on my body leaving me helpless in thought and strength.

_As i write to you all right now...I'm eating mac and cheese...=) brought a bit of a smile to my face. I know this is apart of the process so I'm just going to take each day as it comes. Im in a battle with myself in the hopes of healing what needs to be mended.

_No facebook

_No myspace

_No aim

_stay tuned something will always go down

_chyll spoke<3

_Day 3 (recovery period)

(picture #3 of recovery period)
_ Although I have been hibernating since saturday night, making today the fifth day that I am socially inept from others, I feel as though it has been weeks since I contacted my internet buddies. What great relief right??? Tom(myspace) should be questioning me right now?(lol) He should be emailing me asking why havn't I supported his funds (as you all know everytime we sign on to myspace he gets paid). I don't know but I feel this sense of rejuvenation covering me, allowing me to see things that I normally would have paid little attention too and also enabling me to grasp this idea of life that we all take for granted.

(pic 3a)
_As of right now I'm currently running on barely two hours of sleep. It's amazing how I grew close to her. I stayed up. She needed me. Her tears were solemnly grabbing on to my heart making me feel her pain, and so I stayed. Support is what she needs for a very long time and thats all we can do as her friend is hold her up when she is at her lowest point. Her boyfriend dumped a 2 1/2 year relationship down the drain. What a jerk? And as I have stated before I repeated last night "trust me you will be fine, god wouldn't put anything in your path he thought you wouldn't be able to handle" and she nodded her head as tears fell down her eyes in shame.

(pic 3b)
_Now apart of my recovering process will be helping her cope with what is now her reality and focusing on her emotions. This action will allow me to learn how to cope with my emotions.

We are in this together<3
_until next time
_stay tuned some shyt will always go down
_chyll spoke!

_Day 2 (recovery)

_ I said I would post before 12am but I got caught running to TH 29 to chyll and get my mind off of school work. Waking up today was historic in itself. urinated.washed my face. brushed my teeth and had a slick back ponytail. wiped the crust out my eye and said "A BLACK PRESIDENT nah no way". I retraced the thoughts racing through my mind on November 4th when watching CNN folding my clean clothes. I looked up and it stated Barack Obama is the President Elect of the U.S.A and as I sat on my bed that night, in mere shock the tears rolled down my eyes. I thanked god to be alive.
_When I awoke i felt refreshed and ready for my day. Despite the fact that last night ...well you can say this morning "the voice message boy"(refer back to previous blog) has the audacity to call me and argue...Me being who I am I hung up and slept on the thoughts of me violating him (lol)...any who back to regular programming...where was I.....oh okay so as the day progressed and I watched the inauguration I gradually became sleepy so to stay up I started roasting the government officials who were at the ceremony....especially the reverend who last spoke .... for those of you who saw HAPPY FEET....tell me he didnt look like THE LOVE GURU....forgive me lord.....somethings are just meant to say.
_Update on my hibernation!!!!!! I have yet to sign on to anything yet since saturday night and it feels amazing. No social cyber interaction besides blogging and MiLLz hacking into my accounts to steal pics that I had last posted on myspace and adding (coughing) friends!!! I so reccomend this to everyone at least try it. See if you have self control!!! and not have any social interaction with others. Also changed #. No restrictions. No more looking at the phone and ignoring the call because some annoying boy who decieved you with his looks and you bagged is calling you just to chat!
_The beauty of it all is that this in itself is helping me grow and recover from all the things that had me at hello (now im beyonce) (lol) anywho back on track.... After watching bad girls club, which by the way is a crazy season this time around....I decided to run over to jammi house and disturb their work force. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. I ran in with my coat ,volleyball sockz, boots and some shorts that got drowned by coat!!!!!!
_And now here I am blogging to you all!!!!!

_until next time
_some shyt will always go down
_stay tuned!!!!
_chyll spoke

_Day 1(recovery period)

_And so the struggle to over come my depression is still occuring. It is an illusion to others the jubilance i have coinciding with the faith i am trying to find in myself. I woke up this morning with the same headache and body ache I have had since falling into this state and I began to read up on MLK. Happy Birthday!!!! Talk about a person going through struggles riight??? Along with his struggles he put everyone elses on his back as well without a single complaint. And here I am worried about my lonliness and the safety of the man who had a part in my creation on this earth. Is this a legit feeling? I always view others who are going through these stages in their life and said that "life in itself is beautiful so everything that comes along with it is just extra. God wouldn't put nothing in front of us he thought we would not be able to handle". This gives me hope. Hopes in becoming a better person for myself and others around me.

Day 1 (pic)

_Hibernation

_ I will be hibernating for a period of time to clear my mind of current situations that are going on. I will however still continue to write to you bloggers faithfully and keep you posted on my progress.....stimulating my strength and heart<3

*If you would like to get in contact with me hit me up here or thru email




EMAIL:
tberroa89@yahoo.com
tb2741@mcla.edu

CUT OFF'z:
-Aim
-Facebook
-Myspace
-Changed # if you dnt have it you have been cut off for some time

AS OF TOMORROW MORNING I WILL BE GHOST!!!!!!!!!

_Triple B'z

_ Doing a lil thinking as you guys know always on my chyll mode i came up with this weekend being the most historical weekend of AMERICAN HISTORY named as Triple B'z.


BIGGIE BARACK BROOKLYN
_Notorious B.I.G the most respected rapper in the music industry besides 2pac and some others came out with a movie today highlighting his life for the short period of time he was here. He blessed the industry with his creativity and love for what he did. His music spoke to those who did not have a voice in Brooklyn and soon after for all the neighborhoods of the world that can relate to his struggles. 1-16-09

_ Making History in about four days the United States of America would have their first African American President in office. With wars occuring and the economy crashing Barack Obama has allowed himself to not only tell us what he is going to do but has presented not only the government but the world with his strategic plan and has made us believe that he will in fact in due time change this inconsistent government. However, with all he has to deal with he still worried about the dog he promised his daughters(lol).

_NOW FOR THE FINAL B......BROOKLYN......Brooklyn is more united then what we think it is!!! When you hear a person say their from BROOKLYN you view this sense of assurance and confidence that enables you to feed off of their energy and character allowing you to embrace it. Life isn't easy when raised in the rough streets and projects of BROOKLYN make us who we are. Yesterday made me realize this when I saw this FLEX dance group called MAIN EVENT aka RING MASTERS on ABDC ( a dance comp aired on MTV) I began to believe. Believe even more that people from Brooklyn strive to be the best in everything they do which has been proven.. Main Event went from being in comps on Flex in Brooklyn a show only aired in Brooklyn to being on a show aired all over the world is pretty impressive. With a dance group from Brooklyn being on t.v and The Real World deciding to go to my hometown finally shows that we are getting recognized for the creativity and art that speak to you once you cross over the bridge. From spray painted graffitti on the walls of the street to spanish food on every other block shows you the beauty of BROOKLYN.

The Triple B'z really are inspiring and allow others to enhance their confidence in any aspiring goal that they have.

_Now imma get str8 A'z this semester (lol)
_lovin da art<3 _chyll spoke _until next time

_WHaT a VaCaY 0_o

_VACAY WENT SWELL_

_ This vacay was by far the best vacay I could have asked for. From partying every weekend to seeing people I have not saw in quite some time, really elevated my holiday spirit in general. Being back at school is exciting because of the bafounz I have as friends but reality hits that I have classes to attend to tomorrow. First class was suppose to be at 9:30 however the teacher bailed so I have nothing to do until my 3:30 class. Oh yeah I have to go to career services to get my money riight (that will be a hassle)lol.
_The best day of my vacation had to be the last day. Randomly we all ended up in QUEENs. Jam was gettin her hair cut and I was their because I had spent the night from a party. Sarah was on her way to see jam get her cut and I was sittin on the couch eating crown fried!!!! RING RING Banga calls Yo tash you wanna go to Queens I said im already here she decides she is coming so I call mildred to come through too (no respond). The history that was made in our pasts was never mended so my nerves was a little uneasy when realizing the girls that were coming(karen &sarah) Mildred calls back she is on her way. GOd is good and I say that because he mended all of our harsh feelings that night and made us realize the beauty in true friendship. This realization brought me to the conclusion that all i need is those people who make my life more memorable: MY FRIENDS.

_Changing my number real soon if you do not have it I guess you arent that important=/
_chyllspoke
_life is golden as jammi would say <3>

_Strippers and Sushi

_About to Launch a project for this year......thinkin of a master plan. STay tuned readers it will be coming soon!!!!!!!

_However on a lighter note had od fun with the besty last night solemnly making me realize that having a BoY besTfriiEnd is useful and comes in handy when hiding from disgrace dawgz in the street(lol)

quote of the night" I would not go into a strip club that sells sushi.......why not flip?......Because you wouldnt be able to tell the difference!!!"
=] LMFAO=]

_This is true!!! Flip and I were walkin on a side block in 42nd street and saw a gentelmen's club that served sushi as their specialty....... Now you put one and one together=/ Do you really wanna eat sushi at a strip club? How would you be able to tell the difference between a stripper who smells horribly and a stripper who doesn't if the scent of your breath is FISHY lmfao!!!!

_Had a good time though....saw ROLE MODELS which was a funny ass movie I recommend people to go see that movie<3

_till next time bloggers
_chyll spoke
_luvin da art<3

_Go with the FLOW

_I fought my way into the New Year with a swollen fist and red eyes filled with joy. Since I do not expect anything from any one MY IDEAL 09' year would be to go with the flow. Thats what my motto will be for 09'. Don't over analyze or think too much about what is going to happen or you want to happen because everything will fall into place.

_Last post I was talking about a voicemail that I was timid to respond to because of what that message had in store for the future of my relationship life. As of now the hype of being in a relationship is fading. This is not to say that i do not love him because i do and initially that is why I went off of basic instinct by getting involved but like 09 says "go with the flow" and my flow is not flowing quite right lol if you know what i mean. Let's just say the cab lady hates me!!!! Cingular doesn't agree!!! and the love I have for him still stands!!!!!

_Is this right? I enjoy the laughter of another person' company?Solemnly allowing me to feel? Making me work harder for just wat appeals........

_till next time bloggers...

_chyll spoke

_luvin da art<3